Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life [John 12:24-25]

Friends, behaviors, locations, habits, and patterns of living. Anyone who wants to get sober is going to have to put their old life to death. That truth shined with special clarity in the story of an addict I spoke to a couple of weeks ago.

We can call her Mindy.

Mindy felt unwanted as a child. She found acceptance and meaning in doing chores for her family. She took on household responsibilities beyond her years, becoming a sort of voluntary Cinderella.

Later in life, she found acceptance and meaning within groups of meth-addicted partiers. As she described it, her role was connected to the role of the drug dealer. The drug dealer gives people poison, Mindy made sure nothing got in the way of the group poisoning.

In her small community in Northern AZ, a party house could get shut down for certain violations of community norms. If the partying went on for too long, a relative or government official could point to the clutter and garbage and demand that the party be shut down—and the partiers be run off the property.

Fights could also derail a party because fighting could result in a visit from the police.

And if the food or water ran low, people would drift off on their own.

Enter the Mindy, the Devil’s Housekeeper. She was the Addict’s Martha Stewart. The Rachel Ray of the Meth set. She’d wash those dishes. She’d break up the fights. She’d make food and make sure the hand-carried water never ran out.

In the fog of her addiction, her conscience was clear. She derived meaning and purpose from her role as the hostess with the mostest.

But in the Resilient Recovery group, she became somber as she thought through the consequences of her former role.

She began to voice guilt and remorse. While her special talent may have been appreciated by her using friends, it led to health problems for those who partied for days without end. She didn’t exactly supply the poison, but she supplied the conditions needed to fuel marathon drinking and drugging sessions. Up to 30 people could party for days without interference. The consequences of these unrestrained party sessions were deaths, psychosis, liver failure, children being turned over to the state. . .Mindy knew she shared some of the responsibility.

From an outside perspective, Mindy has only one choice. She needs to give up her former role and find a new one.

But lives—even sick old ones—fight for survival. They fight with the same intensity as a raccoon in a trap, or cornered rodent.

In discussing putting our old lives to death, my pastor once asked me to consider how much strength it takes to hold a person underwater until they drown and how much kicking and scratching erupt when a person is being strangled.

Graphic images. But fitting illustrations, too.

Death may not be proud, but it goes down fighting. Old lives and former identities do not go gentle in that good night. Nope. They rage, rage against the dying of their light.

For Mindy giving up her role may end up being very difficult. And finding a suitable new identity could be an incredible challenge. What could compete with the feeling of being indispensable to 30 of your closest friends? And how difficult will it be to give up a role you were born to play for a new one that feels awkward and foreign? Will she be able to transform into a new person?

Her life outside of residential treatment will be an uphill battle—at least at first.

But she does have some comfort. When she faces struggles and feels the pull to find her identity in old behaviors, she can remember that she is on a divine mission—a hero’s journey. And she is not alone in her adventures.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. [Galatians 2:20]

And

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin. [Romans 6:5-6]

Perhaps the only identity that can truly satisfy, is the identity found in Christ. The only mission monumental enough to replace the drive and compulsion to use substances is the mission of the church.

My prayer today is that Christ will assist all the Mindys in this world. May they find in him the strength to put to death the old life. And having buried the old man or woman in the ground, may Christ cause new life to grow. May the death of a single seed result in many new seeds.