Are you in recovery and wondering why you are so angry? You may not be alone. A 2010 study of over 1.5k individuals found that the average alcoholic in recovery is angry. How angry?

Alcoholics were angrier than 98 percent of the general population.

And this was not a temporary problem, either. 15 months later alcoholics in recovery were still angrier than 89 percent of the general population.

But why would alcoholics in recovery be so angry? Is it the result of the infamous “dry-drunk” phenomenon? That’s a question worth answering because unchecked anger might lead to relapse.

In this video, I react to Jordan Peterson’s explanation of how we become angry.

Peterson says that each of us interacts with the world using a “map”. The map describes life and helps us predict what will happen next. As long as the map is working correctly, we don’t experience much anger, anxiety, or frustration. However, when something happens that is not described on our map, we become quite distressed leading to anger, anxiety, or depression.

He gives an example to clarify what he means. He says to imagine a person driving in a car from point A to point B when they are rear-ended. Before being rear-ended, the person’s map of their day was quite accurate. But once they were rear-ended, they suddenly entered unknown territory. Dozens of unanswerable questions suddenly surface.

When the person’s map was working, it was easy to tune into only the important aspects of the day. But the car accident up-ends things and makes it difficult to know what is relevant and what is irrelevant. The person who only moments ago had a good map and a good understanding of how their day would go is now overwhelmed by the unexpected accident and must make decisions without the aid of an accurate map.

So many things need attention.

Both examples should feel familiar to the person in recovery. We are like someone who was rear-ended and now is facing a boatload of decisions with a map to guide us. Legal issues. Child custody issues. Health issues. Job and career issues. Relationship issues. That’s a lot to deal with—especially if you don’t have a map that clearly spells out your next logical step.

Everyday activities are challenging to do sober.

What’s more, there might be many everyday activities that a person in recovery must re-learn how to manage in a sober mind. Social situations. Crowds. Traffic. School or work deadlines. Each of these ordinary activities may present challenges and anxiety for the person in recovery.

Rebound effect.

At the very beginning of the video, Jordan hints at another reason why people in recovery might be angry. He says that when people are given certain drugs, including alcohol, “they do respond less to violations of expectancy.” This means that substances can suppress the natural tendency to get excitable, annoyed, or angry when our map no longer works.

A rebound effect happens any time a substance has suppressed an emotional reaction. Once the substance is no longer suppressing that emotion, the emotion surges to levels higher than before it was suppressed. One way to think about this is to imagine that anger and frustration are like a beach ball that have been suppressed below the surface of the water. Once a person removes their hand from the ball, it leaps upward. That effect is called a rebound.

How to handle anger without relapsing.

Rest may be one of the most helpful things a person can do to manage their anger. Rather than plodding onward and ignoring the frustration and anger of this new map-less world, try taking a break. Admittedly, taking a break may seem impossible. The pressures and demands of sober life may feel urgent. Yet taking a break is exactly what Jesus did. He got away to pray. Below is a list of times Jesus escaped to prayer. The list was lifted from https://www.soulshepherding.org/jesus-solitude-and-silence/

• “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35)

• But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16; see also Mark 1:45)

• “Jesus went out to a mountain side to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him.” (Luke 6:12-13. See also Mark 3:13)

• “When Jesus heard [that John the Baptist had been beheaded], he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.” (Matthew 14:13)

• “Because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to [his disciples], ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” (Mark 6:31-32)

• “After [Jesus] had dismissed [the crowds], he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was [still] there alone.” (Matthew 14:23; see also Mark 6:46)

• “[Jesus] entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret.” (Mark 7:24)

• “Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, ‘Who do the crowds say I am?'” (Luke 9:18. See also Mark 8:27)

• “Jesus went on from there and walked beside the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain and sat down there.” (Matthew 15:29, ESV)

• “After his brothers had gone up to the feast, then [Jesus] also went up, not publicly but in private.” (John 7:10, ESV). [Jesus walked 90 miles from Galilee to Jerusalem, which gave him about five days in solitude.]

• “One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray.'” (Luke 11:1)

• “Again [the religious leaders in Jerusalem] sought to arrest [Jesus], but he escaped from their hands. He went away again [walking about five miles] across the Jordan to the place where John had been baptizing at first, and there he remained. And many came to him.” (John 10:39-41, ESV)

• “They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid.” (Mark 10:32.) [Apparently Jesus kept silent for most of the 22-mile hike. Luke says Jesus was “resolute” (9:51). He told them that he’d be tortured and killed in Jerusalem.]

• “When [Jesus and his disciples] had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.” (Mark 14:26). This was Jesus’ “usual place” to pray when he was in Jerusalem. (Luke 22:39)

• “They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Sit here while I pray.'” (Mark 14:32)

 I am feeling a bit convicted by the list above. I know that getting away to pray was crucial in my own healing from anger issues. Although, I have gotten lax recently. Perhaps it is time to schedule more time for solitary prayer.

If you would like to join with a meeting a meet others who are trying manage anger and avoid relapse click the link below.