Tips, tricks, and hacks to stay sober and not relapse.

I hope these ideas will help someone stay sober and not relapse.

These ideas come from people in recovery that I met with over the last week while running recovery meetings. I asked them to tell me what puts them at risk for relapse. And I asked them what is keeping them sober. As I wrote this post, I remembered conversations with other people. So, the post includes information not just from the 4 rehabs I attended this week, but also from my conversations with others.

What to avoid.

Conflict/Anger.

Anger was a common theme. Some reported that jealousy, spite, or conflicts with family members often lead to an excuse to go out and get drunk or smoke meth. Sometimes there was a conscious thought, “I want to get back at this person.” Other times anger welled up into a “to-heck-with-it” attitude that defied reason and good sense. Once a person was in a “to heck with it” mood, the drive to find substances was almost unstoppable.

Similarly, negativity and negative attitudes were often identified as reasons to use.

Triggers.

People reported that seeing people living and partying on the street caused intense urges. So did seeing or smelling substances. One woman reported relapsing on marijuana moments after proudly displaying her 9-month chip to her family. A babysitter in the home had some marijuana, and the woman smoked the marijuana immediately. Other triggers included

• seeing new kinds of alcohol being advertised

• seeing alcohol on sale and thinking, “hmm. that’s a good deal.”

• gambling in any form was also identified as a trigger.

• watching sports.

• liquor stores—and especially liquor stores with gambling machines in them.

Enabling.

One woman reported that when she had no responsibilities, she would often use substances. She said it this way, “Well, mom paid the rent. . .and she’s taking care of my kids. So, I can go get drunk.”

Low expectations and few responsibilities seemed to create conditions in which getting drunk or high had few negative consequences.

Peers.

Nearly everyone reported that spending time with using peers was a one-way ticket to relapse town. One person reported that relapse happened because he didn’t want to be the odd man out, or because people pressured him to drink.

However, for other people, relapse was immediate and didn’t result from outside pressure. These immediate relapsers reported that relapse happened “in the snap of a finger”.

Several people reported that they “loved” their using friends. One even reported that her using friends offered more encouragement, recognition, and praise for her sobriety than her family did.

However, the consensus was that it was important to “love them from a distance” and pray for them.

Boredom.

The feeling of boredom was a trigger for many. They reported that boredom felt uncomfortable, and using seemed like a logical escape from the discomfort of boredom.

Food.

Some foods seemed to put people at risk for relapse. For one man, pizza was strongly associated with drinking. For others, cookouts were a trigger.

Worry.

Many of the residents were concerned about the health, safety, and flourishing of children or family members back home. This worry sometimes caused the desire to drink or use. In fact, any uncertainty was identified as a trigger. The idea that unresolved worry leads to use is very similar to Dr. Lance Dodes’ view that addiction results from a feeling of being overwhelmed.

Toxic self-talk.

Although closely related to the concept of worry, negative self-talk deserves its own category. Thoughts of worthlessness and incompetence made people want to drink and use drugs.

These thoughts sometimes were focused on a present situation, i.e., feeling judged while in a classroom situation. Other times the thoughts were focused on contemplating a negative and hopeless future. For example, “I am such a screw-up. How am going to be able to help my family when I always relapse and act irresponsibly?”

Grief.

Several residents reported that grief was a trigger. The grief might stem from the loss of a loved one through death or the loss of a child to Child Protective Services was a trigger to use.

Sometimes the sadness of grief made people want to use to feel better. Other times, the loss triggered a view that “there’s no point” in staying sober.

Events.

Dances, holidays, and birthdays were also noted as times at which drinking and drug use were especially tempting.

What works to stay sober?

Staying home.

Residents reported that when they stayed at home—and when the home was a place where drinking and drug use were not allowed—they found it easier to stay sober.

For some residents, being at home was a safe place. The home was the opposite of “Going out,” “going to the casino,” and “being on the street”.

The home often gave some structure and monitoring.

Peer support.

Several people reported that sober friends and family members provided encouragement to stay sober. These friends and family often supplied healthy ways of thinking and framing situations when the person’s own thought patterns were unhealthy. 12-step sponsors, mentors, and others were also identified as being important sober supports.

An added benefit of sober peer support was that these support people provided sober activities and situations that were viable alternatives to the bar, the street, or the casino.

Identity.

Developing a new sober identity takes time. But, residents reported that this was a powerful key to sobriety. When residents could see themselves as sober people, they found it easier to avoid using and drinking. One woman reported returning to treatment after a brief relapse because she saw herself as a sober person: “I woke up the next day and said that life is not for me. I don’t want to be doing any of that anymore.” Identities such as sons, daughters, parents, uncles, and grandparents were all helpful in staying sober. Likewise, many people with a specific career they identify with are willing to put in hard work in order to stay sober and keep their license, certification, or title.

Consequences

Many residents said the consequences helped them stay sober. For example, people reported that health consequences were important reasons to get or stay sober. Others were happy that their rehab took away privileges, discharged repeat offenders, etc. They felt it helped keep them from relapsing.

One man shared a story about when another resident came back to the facility under the influence. He said that he begged the staff not to let the relapser in. His reasoning went like this: “If you let this person back in, I’ll think I can do the same thing.”

One of the most successful treatment programs—but one that gets hardly any notice or publicity—is called contingency management. This treatment modality provides relatively insignificant rewards and consequences for clean or dirty drug tests.

Many studies show the program is effective. And people in treatment seem to agree with the basic philosophy. I don’t understand why contingency management gets so little attention. Learn more about it here.

Exercise.

Many residents believe exercise is powerful. They report that it has mental benefits such as clearing the mind of anxious and racing thoughts. They also reported that regular exercise taught them to keep going when they felt like quitting. It taught them that dedication and consistent effort paid off not just in terms of physical health, but in terms of psychological health, too. It gave them a natural high. One person reported, “it is teaching my body to enjoy natural endorphins instead drugs and alcohol.”

Others mentioned that exercise tired them out and made them less likely to have the energy to seek drugs or alcohol.

Routine.

Routine seems to function as preventative medicine for boredom. A good routine keeps a person busy and away from the people, places, and things that trigger use.

Routines are also created when a person’s thinking is clearest and most focused on sobriety. So the activities chosen are the most healthy and sober-friendy possible.

Having a routine also helps when things get overwhelming. A person doesn’t need to burn mental calories deciding what to do in the middle of chaos. They can just follow the routine.

Faith.

Faith as a general category came up often. Some people reported having faith in themselves and in their ability to stay sober was important. Other people stressed faith that God wanted a better life for them. Some stressed religious practices such as prayer and regular church attendance. Being part of a faith community gave people a sober peer group and sober activities.

The power of God.

Many residents reported that they needed the power of God to stop drinking and using drugs. They tried many times to stop on their own with no success. But, turning toward God for help and assistance gave them power when they were feeling weak.

Work.

Several people reported that having a job provided routine, structure, and rewards. The rewards included the financial reward of a paycheck, but also included a sense of competence and mastery of a skill set.

What’s missing from this list? What would you add?

Let me know in the comment section.