Many recovery programs keep careful track of days of sobriety. For example, 12-step programs offer chips to commemorate milestones in sobriety. And there can be a very strict level of accountability when it comes to counting the number of sober days. One woman was obliged to restart her sobriety count when she accidentally drank a (slightly) alcoholic beverage while on vacation in a country where she did not speak the language.

Despite only drinking an insignificant amount of alcohol—not enough to even produce the tiniest of buzzes—she lost the days she had accumulated and had to start over.

The woman’s sponsor made a decent argument for being a stickler about the start date of the sobriety. In fact, the woman herself admitted that maybe she suspected the beverage contained alcohol and that she was testing the boundaries.

Economists might agree with the strict counting of sober days.

• The economic concept of “Club Goods” suggests that keeping track of sobriety days is important. Why? Because without an accurate accounting of days sober, commitment to the recovery community begins to wane. People become less committed to the community when everyone is extended the same benefits irrespective of their sobriety. The idea is sort of, “why I am sweating bullets here trying to stay sober when these other people relapse every week and no one ever says anything to them?”

1. Daniel Kahneman’s research also suggests that counting days might be helpful, especially if a person begins to accumulate a significant number of sober days. In a series of clever experiments, he found that humans are far more motivated by the thought of losing something (loss aversion) than they are motivated by gaining something. (Think about the frenzy that ensued when Coke declared they were discontinuing their classic flavor and replacing it with a new cola formula) Continued below.

So, it is not a stretch to guess that once a person has a certain number of days of sobriety, they will become highly motivated to avoid losing that streak of sobriety.

But there are also some reasons to doubt that counting days helps people stay sober.

Some have suggested counting the number of days a person is sober may backfire in certain situations. They suggest that too much focus on days of sobriety might cause people to give up on sobriety when they have a minor relapse. In this case, a momentary blip on the sobriety monitor can turn into a catastrophic downturn. Individuals may feel demoralized when they take the view that all their accomplishment has been swiped away by a relatively small misstep. They may find themselves saying

What’s the point. I already lost everything I built up. Might as well get in a few good days of drinking before I get back on the wagon.

To prevent a scenario like the one above, a therapist co-worker of mine once told a young man who slipped up after 3 months of avoiding pornography, “so, in the last 3 months, you’ve spent less than 5 minutes looking at porn? Great job, buddy! When is the last time you could say that!?”

A Christian Approach. Dr. Joshua Mears’ presentation at our last retreat took a look at the issue of counting days from a Christian perspective. Using a short experiential exercise, he asked us to re-examine our beliefs about counting days.

To begin, he asked individuals to stand up and receive applause based on the number of days they had been sober. First, those with a year or less of sobriety stood up. Next, those with 2 years or more, and so on. Each group received hearty applause for their accomplishment.

Next, he asked us to consider this question, “How many days have you lived in your renewed state as a baptized and redeemed child God?” [Check out minutes 6-8]

With this one shift in questions, Dr. Mears opened up a whole new vista.

While counting days may or may not produce results. Dr. Mears reminded us that God’s love is not contingent on numerical success. God loves us regardless of our record. He has chosen through his Son to love us, care for us, and redeem us, regardless of our performance metrics.

Something that happened in a recent Resilient Recovery Group illustrated this point well. I asked individuals, “If you were being tempted, and Jesus was standing next to you, what would he say to you?”

There were a number of valid responses. But, one long-time member said Jesus would probably say, “Whether you do it or not, I love you. I love you no matter what.”

This is the unconditional love of God through Christ.

Understanding and laying claim to that kind of love is a potent resource for sobriety. It’s a love that fills vacuums and produces growth. It is a love that causes hope to emerge from even the most hopeless circumstances.

It was that kind of love that propelled the engine of our sobriety for many in the recovery community. We look back on our lives and say unreservedly that God and his love were the only things that got us to change. The law, consequences, and shaming did nothing to change us. It was love that made the difference.

It is a love so alien to us that we can scarcely believe it. Like anyone who has experienced something shocking and supernatural, we wonder, “did that really just happen? Could that really be true?” We need constant reminders that the kindness and love of God truly exist for us.

Titus 4

3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

In Resilient Recovery Groups, we remind ourselves of this love every week. If you would like a reminder of that kindness and love, stop by one of our Saturday night Resilient Groups. www.restinjesus.org to sign up for an invite.