Is She Gone Yet?
EDITOR’s NOTE Today's post is by Sandi Menefee. She is sharing the deeply personal story of her mother's suicide attempt 50 years ago. In a moment of deep unhappiness, Sandi's mother took a lethal dose of medication even though Sandi's brother was in the next room. We hope this story will offer insight into the mental pain and anguish that accompany suicide attempts. And we hope that this insight might spur us to reach out to friends and family that may be experiencing mental pain and anguish today. We also hope that if YOU are struggling with thoughts of suicide, you will be moved to reach out for help by calling the number listed below.
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As another doctor walked into the room where everyone was trying to save my mom’s life, I heard him ask, “Is she gone yet?”
“Is she gone yet?” Those words are stamped in my memory forever. That was the day my mom decided to commit suicide rather than continue to live with my father’s marriage-long unfaithfulness.
“Is she gone yet?” In that moment those words meant to me that my mom was going to die while I sat in the hospital waiting room pregnant and so scared.
“Is she gone yet?” meant she had decided to end the heartbreak of life.
“Is she gone yet?” Meant even the love she had for my youngest brother had escaped her mind along with everything else good in her life. Even for the expected grandchild on the way.
Sandi’s Mother
The day she was “pinned” as a nurse.
My mom wanted to die that day. She was a registered nurse and knew she had a lethal amount of pain killers and sleeping pills for the cancer that riddled her body and how fast they would work. In that motel room she announced to my brother and dad that she had just swallowed all her pills and that my dad could have his girlfriend.
The depths of pain someone is suffering is incomprehensible to us. This was so clear to me as my youngest brother was in that motel room when she went in the bathroom and swallowed all her pills. She loved my “baby” brother beyond reason and would never have hurt him like that unless the mental pain had become unbearable.
By the grace of God my mom didn’t die that day. That day came painfully 2 years later when the cancer had run its course. She did get to meet two little boys who called her Nana.
Now, 50 years later, I have finally been able to tell this story. Resilient gave me the opportunity and God gave me the strength and words to share this with you. My prayer is that it will help you if you are hurting to reach out now before you sink any further.
SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE
1-800-273-8255
